If I’m honest, I can’t even remember what week it’s from. I think three weeks ago. I think I made that chart three-ish weeks ago, and realistically, things were going well. Looking at it, I see I made it all the way through Saturday. The only things left unchecked are for Sunday. And it was a good week. Most of my stuff got marked done. But it feels like everything devolved from there.

If I’m really honest with myself, I think I knew I was biting off more than I could chew. My goal this year was to become a full-time content creator. All that really means is to make a full-time income from content creation. Realistically, I didn’t have a number associated with that, but I was just thinking enough to cover my living expenses and a few trips that I have planned this year. And that’s probably not even $50,000.

I was very excited. I had energy. I had a plan. All systems were a go.

I looked at everything I had going on and all the potential income streams that I could leverage as a creator. I made what felt like a decent plan based on what I was currently doing and what I thought I had time for. I was going to continue creating short form content for Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube shorts. I was going to dive into more long form content on YouTube, testing longer day in the life videos. I was going to continue selling my digital products and marketing them, both in short form content and here. I was going to try and leverage Substack to make money. That was a new income stream I really wanted.

The thing is, I’ve always loved writing. I also love helping people, and I felt this was a perfect match, a perfect opportunity for me to do this thing that I love and make money doing it. I built a structure. I came up with series ideas. I was ‘ready to go.’

All of this while basically running out of money. All of this after a big work contract ended, and all of these plans happening on the assumption that one of my smaller freelance contracts was going to continue as it had been for the past couple of months.

Then that smaller contract dwindled a bit. And so, as that work declined, the stress increased.

Unfortunately, my brain is the type where when I’m stressed about finances, I go into functional freeze and I basically go on autopilot. I’m realizing it’s a cycle that I need to fix, and obviously, the only way to fix it is to make money, but I do this thing where I subconsciously decide what the bare minimum is and do that. For me, the bare minimum was sticking to my steps, my workouts, eating within my calories and continuing to create short form content. That, and still working, in whatever capacity I could, on all the other things.

So, I kept filming for long form videos on YouTube. I kept creating content on Instagram. And, actually, I kept enjoying it. But the structure I had imposed on myself for Substack felt limiting. And because it didn’t feel like I was making progress towards my goals, I felt like a failure and couldn’t get past the idea of sitting down and documenting my failure for anyone to read. It felt like it made it too real. Which, of course, now that I’m sitting here, is exactly what I needed to have done, because it would have been the splash of cold water to wake me up sooner. Even the fitness goals have floundered for months. I have really solid weeks where I eat within my calories and I get my steps and I do my workouts. But those are few and far between, and it gets to the point where the pressure of doing those things on a daily basis feels stressful. Not doing them feels like I’m letting someone down, and not just me.

It feels like I’m failing people. It feels like I’m failing my coach. It feels like I’m failing my parents. It feels like I’m failing everyone online who I’ve shared my weight loss journey with. Of course, the person I’m failing the most is myself, but, that’s also the last person I think about in that situation.

I think the best way to put it right now is… I feel like the last domino has fallen. I feel like I built a house of cards that slowly started crumbling, and I just watched the last one fall. I’m now having to sit down and really look at the wreckage. Analyze. Take notes. Accept all the responsibility. Use this as a learning opportunity.

Historically, I’m not good at learning opportunities in this way. I was really good at school growing up. I was really good at memorization. I was really good at taking tests. I was really good at reading comprehension. I was good at school. I wasn’t so good at the whole ‘making mistakes and learning from them in your personal life’ portion of things. And then as an adult, I think the nature of the way that I’ve lived, what I’ve kind of romanticized as this digital nomad period of my life, has fed that lack of learning. I’ve sort of lived my life until I got to a place where something wasn’t working anymore. I’d pivot without reflecting to see what wasn’t working, what I was doing wrong, what I needed to fix. Instead, I would switch locations, switch jobs, switch careers, and just totally inhabit some sort of new body.

Obviously I’m still me. But in my mind, I thought I was just pivoting and just trying a different version of myself or a different life. Meanwhile, I never stopped to examine. So I was constantly bringing those same qualities and making those same mistakes. Maybe not the same exact mistakes, but I never took the time to truly learn and reflect and grow. I mean, realistically, I never felt like I had the time. And now that I look back, I feel like I’ve been in this cyclical phase the last 10 years. Where I go somewhere, I try something until it doesn’t work, and then I pivot and I go somewhere and I try something else until it doesn’t work. Rinse and repeat, stay with my parents for a few months or ask different family members for help and support. Rely on other people to get me through.

Which is ironic because I’ve always thought of myself as a very self-reliant person. I think maybe I pose as a self-reliant person? Maybe the independence that I have is fake. I don’t even know. I live by myself. I do life. I’m breathing. I’m here. But there’s so much support and so many other people involved in helping me figure this out. Maybe that’s normal? I’m not sure. I mean, I think if I were in a couple, I would get that support from my partner. But since I’m single, I get it from many different people. So maybe that is normal.

What I feel isn’t normal is the fact that I’m 36 and I feel like I’m on this continual journey of starting over. Some of my, let’s call them journeys, are a continuation. The weight loss journey has been a lifelong one. The finding your career or finding your passion has been a lifelong journey, for sure. But even within that, the way to make money feels like a constant starting over. And really, I’m just tired.

And the thing is, I do want a big life. I think the more that I talk about it, the more I reflect and meditate, I really do have a good idea of the type of life that I want. And it’s a big life. It requires a lot of money.

Even as I think about this now, I feel like I’m a person who has so many random skills, and I am good at a lot of random things. I just have a hard time putting those things into an income producing avenue, I guess. And ultimately, that just makes me feel like a lot of wasted potential. Which feels shameful and embarrassing.

Even as I’m sitting here now, I feel like I’m giving myself a pity party, but it might be the pity party that I’ve needed to wake myself up. Maybe it’s a pity party disguised as rock bottom. Whatever the case is, I hope I can look back on this moment in six months and be thankful.

Hopefully I’ll be thankful that I sat here and really thought through all this. And that I had the gumption, audacity, bravery, courage to basically shake myself and wake myself up and say, “get your shit together, Kristina. You have so much to offer the world. Stop trying to do all the things and focus on just a few.”

Maybe that’s what I need to do. Refocus. Maybe I also need to loosen the reins a little bit, especially when it comes to writing on here. Maybe I need to worry less about structure. I gave myself structure initially because I thought it would help. And because all of the coaches and gurus tell you to pick a niche and talk about it and you will monetize this really quickly.

But if there’s anything I have learned in my life is that usually trying to follow some kind of path someone else has laid out doesn’t work. There’s something in my brain that has to do things for myself. Has to make the mistakes myself, and really struggles to follow the path that someone else has followed because it doesn’t feel authentic to me.

So. Ooooof.

I feel like this was a lot. Maybe it is rock bottom.

The benefit is… the only place to go is up.

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Last week was only my second week in that routine and I was feeling GOOOOOD.

And then I got my period, which, okay, fine. Except I don’t sleep well on my period, which threw my progress off in a big way. That, combined with a few evening social events knocked me off my routine enough to where Monday did not go according to plan. At all. So much so I sort of called it Sunday part two and decided I’d start things strong on Tuesday.

Tuesday started strong. I worked, got all my non-negotiable tasks done, went to bed at a decent time. Win.

Then on Wednesday I woke up with a cold. Tired. Congested. Went-through-a-box-of-tissues kind of day.

I’m just glad I’d meal prepped breakfast because otherwise…👀

So I’ll cut straight to the chase. Here’s my chart for week two. (Including the timetables I added to keep track of when I was taking DayQuil because otherwise I forget.)

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Life Lately

It’s been a minute since I post one of these, and frankly, a ton has happened. (Friendly reminer, I live in Minneapolis 🙃). But right now I’m coming off of being sick almost all last week so really I’m just happy I can finally breathe out of both nostrils again 🤣

Highlight of the Week

I put myself in time out. YUP. My highlight this week was a moment when I put myself in time out. I was in a terrible mood (on top of being sick) and my brain went, “okay we need to cheer ourselves up. let’s eat.” As soon as I had that thought I immediately stopped, realizing what I was doing. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t even craving anything. It’s just so ingrained in me to use food as a coping mechanism, that’s where my mind went. So I stopped myself, filled my 18 oz Yeti with water, and sat myself down on the couch. This was a massive accomplishment for me and i’m so proud!

Coming Soon

I’ve been fiddling with creating longer form content for YouTube and I’m super excited! The editing process fe…

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What I’ve been struggling with is this tension between being an influencer and being a content creator… while also understanding that if this is going to be my career, it needs multiple income streams.

And honestly? I don’t see a clear path.

When I look around, I see very defined lanes.

There are Amazon creators who focus almost entirely on Amazon products.

There are fashion influencers who do fashion, skincare, makeup — brand deals, events, polished content. It’s beautiful. I follow and genuinely enjoy many of them. But it feels surface-level. It doesn’t extend much into their inner life.

There are weight loss creators. Fitness creators. Gym content. Recipes. Very specific. Very focused.

Then there are creators who document becoming creators. Their whole brand is “watch me build this busin…

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Yeah. Let’s start there, with a little refresher.

Where I started:

I did the first chunk of pre-work on this process before starting week one. (You can read that here.) The main portion was choosing my focus areas and the action items I’d do for each.

I landed on:

1. Work & Career: Do one revenue- or growth-supporting action each day.

2. Self-trust & follow-through: Write down my non-negotiables each day.

Deciding on those specific actions felt simple. The complicated part was how to track it. Where would I write these down? I don’t have a physical planner. There’s not enough space on the calendar I have on my fridge. But I knew I needed to have this somewhere I could physically write week after week and physically check off at the end of each day.

Enter my new favorite tool: my refrigerator dry erase board. It’s a simple 20” x 13” sheet that’s magnet on one side and dry erase material on the other. No frills, but it comes off the fridge easily (so I can actually write on it on my kitchen island) and stays really well.

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I woke up on January 5th ready to start the first week of the year strong. I was going to host the 2026 Building Together Cohort and go through the whole Achieving Alignment workbook live with a group of people and then…

Nobody signed up.

Which, fair. That’s largely on me. And realistically, given everything that’s been going on here in Minneapolis, I don’t know that I would’ve been a very good group leader anyway, so I’m choosing to believe the universe was doing me a favor on this one.

But now - instead of leading a group - I’m doing this on my own.

I’m going through the Achieving Alignment workbook and documenting the process over the next three months. February 1 is the first day of week one.

What is the Achieving Alignment workbook and what do I mean by ‘the process’?

The workbook is a framework I created to help people build their dream lives. It’s designed to be cyclical, not something you do once and forget about.

Before you ever get into daily habits or weekly planning, there are three core exercises:

1. The visualization

2. The life audit

3. Choosing focus areas

From there, you move into the day-to-day work: taking small actions, checking in with yourself, adjusting as needed, and building consistency over time. You can restart the process as often as you want, but my general recommendation is to work in three-month cycles.

So that’s what I’m doing now.

My process & pre-work

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I talked about building my dream life for months. Hell, I talked about it all year.

And let’s be honest, that didn’t happen, at least not entirely.

BUT…I’m inching my way there. And if I’m honest, I’m closer than it feels like, it just looks very different to what I expected.

And that’s all thanks to what I call the Achieving Alignment framework.

Really, it’s a simple process:

1. Visualize your dream life and future self

2. Audit your life to see where you are in certain categories

3. Choose a specified time frame and categories as ‘focus areas’

4. Make a plan to improve (or, move toward alignment) in those focus areas

5. Track your progress, pivot, and eventually start the process over

I’d been using an unstructured version of this in the beginning of 2025. I’d visualized my dreams, made the visi…

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WHAT A TIME. I feel like I lived a month in just one week. We started Building Together, the Q4 reset cohort, I started a new freelance gig, deep cleaned my apartment, and my parents came in town! I

t’s been a massive adjustment to add the additional work, plus the personal adjustments I’m making as part of the cohort, but we’re pushing through!

Highlight of the Week

Two highlights this week!

1. Launching Building Together went sooo well!! It’s a small group so we’re able to really share ideas and struggles, and the ladies are lovely!

2. My parents coming in! I got to show them around my Minneapolis and some of my favorite spots 🫶🏼

Coming Soon

LEAVES! We’re driving up north today to see the leaves and do some fall hiking and I CANNOT WAIT. Fall is my favorite season and this is something I didn’t get to do last year.

In My Speakers 🎶

So with all the news of the new Taylor Swift album I realized I’d never listened to her 2024 album! I’ve been listening to both The Tortured Poets Departm…

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On the Diary of a CEO podcast, Matthew McConaughey and Steven Bartlett talked about how people need to be relied on and depended on. Steven even used the example of a freelancer friend who was so independent he got to a point where it felt like his life had no meaning.

In personal conversations, someone mentioned how motherhood showed them how their purpose is to create a better life for their kids, to love them, etc.

Then in a random Youtube video, someone else mentioned how if she didn’t have a husband and kids, she didn’t think she’d be fulfilled or living her purpose.

Let’s just say this whole concept is really popping up all over my life right now.

And the thing is, I’m THRILLED for the women in my life who’ve become mothers and feel they’ve found this purpose.

And no - I don’t feel any sort of pang to be a mom.

But I have really been sitting on this whole idea of purpose, and what mine might be considering the traditional choi…

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Walking for Mindset

About halfway through the year I started working on creating a morning routine that made sense to me. I’m not a morning person, but I’d started to notice the negative impact my slow mornings were having on my life. So I reset. I decided to build a morning routine that combined some of the best tips and tricks all the wise people swear by, but in a way that I looked forward to (read: one I would stick to).

They say outdoor light first thing, no screens, and meditation are ideal, so I started by focusing …

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When I got laid off back in December, I told myself it was a sign. It was the universe saying: you’ve been wanting to go out on your own, become a creator full-time, this is your chance.

So I jumped in with both feet. I had so many ideas, so many things I wanted to try. So I tried them, went full-on. Nine months later, I can confidently say nothing worked out the way I thought.

& today I finally realized why.

Expectation vs. Reality

When I decided to “go full-time” it felt like I had an ocean of opportunities ahead of me. All these ideas I’d pocketed for later, for when I had more time. All those ways people make “passive income” online, all the creative endeavors I’d been wanting to try.

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A little bit of context

2025 has been a year of reset and experimentation for me. A year to try my hand at full-time freelancing, creating content, and dedicating considerable energy to my health.

It started off really strong, but by the end of May I felt lost, aimless, and numb. I wasn’t sure if the goals I’d set in January made sense anymore and needed something to help me reset and, frankly, come alive again.

So I did a visualization. This has become a yearly practice for me, allowing me to truly get past internalized fears and visualize my dream life and ideal self. That clarity then becomes motivation and each year I’ve taken …

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I went for a walk on St Pete Beach recently, and in an effort to clear my head, I started recording a voice memo.

This is a new habit I’ve picked up because I have some really productive brainstorms when I’m walking in nature. So I walk and talk, then look at the transcript later.

On this particular walk, I was reflecting on my personal growth journey. I’d just released the Achieving Alignment Workbook and was going through the process of telling my story and how I got to writing it. About 35 minutes into the walk, I said:

“There is a before, there is an after, I’m in the after, but the after is not the end.”

As soon as the words came out I stopped. Not an exaggeration; I physically stopped moving, eyes wide, blown away by this realization.

The thing is, I’ve always wanted to write a novel or tell my story, but I’d never felt like I’d…

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Realistically, this could’ve been Denver, Boulder, Bend, Chicago, or any number of cities.

And I’m not saying this to disparage Minneapolis or Minnesota - I love it here - I’m saying this because so many people have reached out regarding moving here and I always have to add a little asterisk to the end of my spiel.

Because here’s the thing: if you go from living in a suburb in South Florida to a suburb of the Twin Cities, the only major immediate change is the weather. You’ll still need a car, groceries and gyms are the same, life is generally the same. (Sure, the politics and healthcare are different, but I’m talking about the day-to-day differences).

Moving here wasn’t about that for me. It was about:

The weather.

I’m originally from Miami, Florida. My dad is from Cub…

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It’s funny because to many people, this might seem insignificant. For me, it’s a milestone.

On July 5, 2024 I arrived to my friend Tiffany’s apartment in Malaga, Spain. I was excited to see her after four years, but I was tired. We chalked it up to travel stuff and the heat.

The next day, after something like a 12 hour night of sleep, I wasn’t any better. I felt fine health-wise, but I was a zombie; it was as though the light had gone out within. Because she’s one of the best people I know, she eased me into talking about what was going on.

I was in the middle of a four month Europe trip after four years away - I should be thrilled and energized for my time here and what was to come! I had been! Why was I suddenly so…grey?

Over the next several hours she pulled it out of me:…

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“As my teachers explained, visualizing the mind as a separate entity helps us work on our relationship with it. We can think of the interaction as making a friend or negotiating peace with an enemy.”

That line hit me hard. It felt like a validation of the morning routine I’ve been testing for months now. Because as much as my routine and the mindset practices I use have been working for me, I’ve had a hard time articulating it for others.

This brought the clarity I’d been missing.

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I’ve talked about personal growth as a value since 2008, but it almost feels like the true journey didn’t start until 2016.

Until I finally decided to shake up my life in search of a place that felt more like me.

I was looking for a new place, somewhere I’d hopefully fit in.

I’d spent four years of college being someone I thought I should be, to be accepted, loved, and find success. I’d always felt so different, I just wanted to be ‘normal’.

I spent my early 20s slowly trying out something - no, someone - different. Again, I wanted to be cool, accepted, liked. I wanted to fit in.

By 2016 I’d gained some level of confidence and had the smallest inkling that it wasn’t me, I just wasn’t in the right environment.

Time…

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